Hi,
There is so much to be said. There is so much that has happened in my life. It feels like there is so much to catch you up on,,,, whoever you may be? I don't know. But right now its 1am and i’m sitting in my bed wrapped in my new baby blue and white fur blanket (it was a gift from a dear dear friend Gabe for my graduation.) I’m just going to write what I’m feeling right now at this very moment.
I found out some disappointing...stuff....and it’s not directed to my life so why should I be so struck by it? I just care so deeply about the people in my circle and I truly want them to get to a place where they can experience a steady happiness. Not just moments within the day, but waking up and truly feeling optimistic about the world. At least for a little while. I just graduated highschool. All my friends are gearing up to go to college and I truly wish them the best. Go out there and shake the world, create a whirlwind wherever you go.
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I’ve had my Abuelitos visiting for a while and its been so refreshing. I wake up and go to sleep with such constant love whispers. I have been spending a lot of time with my Abuelita and we have been getting into deeper and deeper conversations as the days fly by. One thing that has come up a lot is “protecting my heart.” She says to protect my heart because I am too good and I love so easily. She warns me that not everyone thinks with love and kindness. After different nights of her comforting me through my tears, she reminds me that the only person who you can fully trust is yourself. To never trust another being because they are capable of breaking my heart. But here is where I disagree with that all.
I want to keep moving through life trusting and loving everyone who I cross paths with. After many punches in the short 2019 I still belive that everything happens for a reason. I rather love so hard and feel real emotions than to hold myself back to prevent heartbreak. Also to be clear, when I say love I don't necessarily mean finding a partner, I mean in friendships and every kind of relationship you can encounter. Why not fall in love so fast and feel every single ounce of joy? I would risk the pain for the chance of butterflies. Why you may ask? I think there is something so valuable in experiencing every aspect of all emotions. I don't want to protect my “little” heart because I want to be 100% genuine when I walk through space. It could be I have this perspective because i’ve never truly had my heart “broken.” I have stayed independent, optimistic, and strong throughout highschool. I have a strong core and I will trust you, until there is a reason for me not to.
So I love my Abuelita and I listen to her advice, I just will take away the parts that I need from it.
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Okay, that was intense.
Goodnight <3