Prioritize LOVE

Earlier this summer, a couple peers of mine reached out and asked me to write an article on the Border Crisis. These incredible students at SPCPA have created their own magazine called Kaleid Zine, where they highlight local artists and talk about raw, real life issues. I had the honor to submit a piece for their summer issue. Lately, the message from this article has been circling my mind. I had a conversation with someone close to me about their immigrant story, a subject that is never easy to talk about. As I’m currently reading Michelle Obama’s book Becoming, I’m realizing more and more that we all have a story to tell and it holds so much value to speak on it. “Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own.” That quote above is from Becoming, and it has changed the way I move through life. In the following paragraph, I interview my father and learn so much more about his immigrant story.

My words, my article, my heart:

To explain how I truly feel about the border crisis, I think you need to know a little bit about me and my culture first. My name is Ananda Córdova Stuart and I come from a biracial/ bicultural family. My father was born in Quito, Ecuador, and he is an immigrant to the United States, even though he did not have to cross the border by foot. 

The topic of family separation rips my heart into millions of pieces, as it would for many people who have seen the horrific photos on their Facebook timeline. In the Latinx culture, especially within my Ecuadorian roots, its family first. Family over EVERYTHING. By the end of this interview, I wish one can see the true connection and heartbreak this all leads to. There are so many incredible stories in the Latinx community about immigration and I truly believe the more we share, the more we inspire. 

I interviewed my dad today about his path to citizenship. I asked him why, why did he chose to become a US American citizen? He told me that as much as he has full love and pride for his birth country (Ecuador) he did it for us, for my little brother and I. Growing up, he had no intention of living in the United States, but of course that all changed when he met my mom. He was a permanent resident, which gave him the right to live and work in the U.S, which is evidently was what he wanted because his family was here. Although that seemed like a permanent solution, it was not. Even with a minor misdemeanor (for example, a speeding ticket) he was subject to deportation. My dad told me that with us here, he could never risk not being together. When my dad applied for citizenship in 2009, it took about a year until his papers were officially processed and he was eligible to take the test. The average wait time on a U.S. citizenship application was about five months in 2014. Today, the average time a green card holder will wait for their citizenship application to be processed by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) is 10 months. While Trump is in office, the wait is growing and it’s becoming more difficult for immigrants to receive citizenship to the United States. In 2016, if you failed the test the first time the USCIS will give you another opportunity to take the test in an appointment several weeks after the interview that you failed. If you do not pass both tests, you cannot become a naturalized U.S citizen and your application will be denied. 

So, the path to citizenship isn't easy. It’s one thing to know the facts, but I can’t even describe the look in my father’s eyes when he told me what it felt like to say you are willing to drop the nationality of your birth country. A country of which my father has so much pride in. His heart is in Ecuador but his mind is now the United States. 

Unlike my father, many Latinx families haven't been so lucky. I cannot begin to imagine what it would ever be like to cross the border. It is unthinkable until you hear someone’s brave story. People are crossing for love. They are doing what they can to save their loved ones and support their family. So many parents do it to give their children a “better life.” It is completely inhumane to break families apart. I can’t imagine how Trump can argue against that. He says that these border laws are to prevent “thugs” from illegally entering the country, but something to keep in mind Mr. Trump, is that by doing this, the United States is making a lot of enemies. The whole world is watching how border patrol stations are starving the 700 kids they have detained. These minors are being stripped from human rights as multiple kids are coddled up in a single cell without beds to sleep on. These stories that we keep reposting on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook are supposed to light a fire. Some of the images at times can be extremely hard to see, but that is why we need to see them. It needs to be said and spread that no human is illegal. We must switch our vocabulary and use the term “undocumented,” because that is really the only difference between you and the kids that are detained without their parents; a sheet of paper. It’s time to use the privilege of being a US citizen and speak up. Donate to the International Rescue Committee, American Immigrant Council, Asylum Seeker Advocacy project, Kids In Need of Defense, Las Americas Immigrant Advocacy Center, and many more associations to play your part. If you have time to repost the article that popped up on your timeline, then I really hope you had the time to read through it first and spread the word. These are human lives, the border crisis is happening as we are driving to work and enjoying family dinners at home. The best way to put an end to this tragedy is to elect Trump out of office. Use our power to vote for the better, prioritize LOVE. I still have faith that every good US American has that. 

Thank you Kaleid for letting me share a story, and for listening to the Latinx community and having correct representation talk about this topic. Check out their work : https://www.kaleidzine.com

Oh and also, you are still brave even if you chose not to share your story.

Ananda CS

AFS World Conference: Part 1

My fingers are itching to write this next piece. Let's start with the setting. I am sitting in my comfortable white sheet hotel bed in the middle of Montreal Canada listing to the soothing Ben Platt (if you haven't given his new album “Sing to Me Instead” a listen you are definitely missing out.) This blog is going to be a special one to me because it will be written in different pieces. So, part one:

I am the 18 year old girl taking a leap and a jump as I tackle on my 2019/2020 Gap Year. I chose to take this year off for many reasons, although the main one being that I have two incredible passions and I need more time with both. I am an actress and I’m an advocate for social justice and intercultural competence. My mother has definitely inspired a lot throughout the years as her main career is built up of Global Citizenship and what it means to be an intercultural Global Citizen. AFS International was hosting their annual world conference and with the help of my mother I got my foot in the door. It’s all about the connections and luckily for me I just lived with one. I knew that this conference would be a pivoting moment for me and my Gap Year. I am mostly through the sessions and I can already feel the inspiration and ambition creep back into my blood system. In perfect timing too because I have never felt more hopeless. As I work through my mental health I have given my all to this conference. The beginning of it was me planning business outfits and packing, but now that I’m here and I have experienced so much of it I realize I have so so SO much to share. 

I arrived in Montreal on Monday Oct 7th at 12am. After getting in the wrong Uber the first time I was determined to learn about the city through the knowledge of its citizens. My second Uber was from the Domicnan Republic and so so kind. He shared with me his love for Canada and how he is just years away from his retirement and he hopes to take a trip out to the Ocean. I learned about the immigration in Canada and how Monteral welcomes immigrants and refugees with open arms, a gesture that we are lacking a lot in the United States. Once he dropped me off at the hotel it wasn't soon until I realized I had put the wrong Marriott in the directions. I soon found myself walking the streets of Montreal alone at 1am looking for my correct hotel, knowing that my mother was probably worried out of her mind but... asleep. After two more taxis and a lucky $10 bill in my purse I arrived. 

Day 1 was mostly calm as I met some coworkers of my mother and took selfies on my hotel poarch. I took a nice warm shower with hotel shampoo and got ready for my day. I spent most of it organizing and labeling name tags for the participants in the world conference that would be starting within the next couple of days. Around 5pm I was dizzy and hungry so I decided to order the most delicious room service known to mankind..... French fries and a Creme Brule. Pleasure food that I was craving so much. I also challenged myself and went to a grocery store nearby and bought snacks that I have never seen before. I figured my friends would like to try out the Canadian version of a Kit Kat with me back home. I challenge you to find the local grocery stores when visiting another country and trying out their famous “go to” snacks. That's the beginning of an intercultural experience just by being brave and willing to pay for your stuff with a forgien language on the screen. Had no idea what I was paying for but the universal smile put me at ease. I explored the city Tuesday night and I believe that will be the most of Montreal that I will see as the rest of my time is scheduled out for sleeping and networking (in a convention building may I add.) Late Tuesday night as I Ubered “home” I did see a cross all lit up on the top of Mount Royal . I learned that no building can be built taller than Mount Royal and for some reason that fact felt spiritual to me.  Then it was a Wednesday and that was the whirlwind of a day that brought me pages of notes in my new Journal that I bought at Patina a couple days before my trip. These pages consist of part 2, 3, and maybe even 4 of this blog post. I made friends, drank a beer (I’m legal dont worry) and wore a furry white coat. Under the fun of being in a different country and city, I learned that I have a lot of questions about the universal question “where are you from?”

.......

Okay thats the end of Part 1! Brb!

The Little Angels of New York

I’m currently in the middle seat on a Delta flight with a stolen blanket on my shoulders returning home from NYC. I have twelve percent battery so we will see how far this goes. Its September 22nd and I have taken my first trip of my Gap Year. To shortly reflect, it was incredible. Now I say that because I was accompanied by one of my bestest friends Gabe (Hi Gabe.) We went to so many Broadway shows and I spent so much money I dont have, although it was worth it because my love for the big city is enough to keep me motivated to push through. I want the power to push through the self doubt I have inside, I cried as the ensemble members of Hadestown bowed because I could see their love for the arts in their eyes. How can something give me so much joy and so much pain at the same time? I’m searching for a comfortable medium to survive my future. All the stories of this trip that I would usually tell a friend, I’ll tell them here because I’m thankful that my life gives me so many little angels. All these humans who made me smile on this trip is another helping hand pulling me out of the funk I’ve been in since May. 

The Server: Sorry in advance mom and dad, this is the type of story you don't want to know, but to my friends, this is a good one. On the first night of the trip my friends and I went to Serendipity 3 to get deserts. Lets just say the Server we got was,,,, well,,,,, very attractive. I ordered a peppermint tea and some fondue because at 11pm after waking up at 4:30am that morning, it just made sense. I kept thinking I was getting the “eyes” from this server but to be honest I never know. I felt like I got my validation when I got my bill and he didn't charge me for my tea. Coincidence? I think not. I felt BOLD and left my instagram and a little heart. Yes it may be ugly but at midnight laughing with friends in the one and only New York City, it was everything. I waltzed out of the restaturnt never to see him again. Although I haven't seen him, I did hear from him. His opening DM was “Do you leave your instagram for all Servers or only the attractive ones?” 

The Bagel Man: On a busy Sunday morning in Brooklyn it seems like the go to breakfast meal is well, bagels. I went to a local bagel shop with Gabe to get my favorite Onion Bagel with veggie cream cheese. YUM. I was a little bit overwhelmed because the restaurant was so small and so crowded. I misread the signs and skipped the place to “order” and I walked straight to the “check out.” The cashier wasn't rude but she definitely wasn't “Minnesota nice” as she let me know the mistake I had made. I walked back to the “order” sign and told a man my story asking if I could nicely budge, he just stared at me blankly until a nice older man with round black glasses told me I could stand in front of him. I was very grateful and as we continued chatting we came ot the conclusion that we were both from Minnesota. He lives in St. Cloud and I live in Minneapolis. We talked about NYC and my dreams to be on stage. I told him about my upcoming work and he told me he wouldn't miss it. When I got back to my bff...the cashier (kidding) I quickly realized that this establishment does not accept card, only cash. Of course I didn't have more than $5 on me so I told her I would quickly find my friend and come right back with the money. The nice man said “no way this one is on me” and paid for my breakfast. I’m so thankful, although it doesn't seem like something major I was so uncomfortable in those moments and he made me feel valid and calm. I reflected and I’m so so in love with the Minnesota Nice of the world. 

The wet wipe: In the rush of making our subway train I softly grabbed Gabe’s backpack so I wouldn't lose him, much to my surprise he had cream cheese from our bagels all over the backpack and it got all over my hands. It was funny, but mid laughter I realized I had dirty hands and I was standing hands free on the subway. There was a moment of panic until this kind man with a hat gave me his wet wipes. He tapped me on the shoulder and pulled them out for me and gestured that I take one. It seemed like he didn't speak much English, but thats not important when you have the universal body language of a smile. It was a little gesture but I was thankful and felt taken care of. 

The Stolen Blanket: We all know that airports are cold, well not just airports. I mean primarily airplanes. It feels like it’s always Winter on Delta. I’m tired and happy and I love walking onto a plane. As Gabe and I were heading to our seats there was a major hold up on first class, we stood there and it feels like the whole flight could here me shivering. After little laughter I whispered to Gabe and said “you gotta blanket?” I knew he didn't but for some reason we thought we were funny. The line was finally moving again until a man stopped me and handed me his complementary blanket he gets by sitting in first class. He didn't have a sweatshirt on and I knew that if he gave me his blanket he would be well, cold (winter duh.) I said “omg no!! But thank you!” and he said “no no please have it I won’t use it.” Hahahah how could I fight thattttt, so thank you sir because now I am writing this warm and very comfortable on this flight. To address the “stolen” part, I guess it wasn't techginaly stolen. It was gifted. I got you all hooked though, didn't I?

So thank you to all my little angles who made my trip one to remember. 

Where I've Always Been From

Almost every poet has their iconic “Where I’m From” poem. It was one of the first Spoken Word assignments I had in my freshman year class (which my mother made me take, although I’m so glad I did.) I remember writing this poem so vividly because it took 5 minutes to complete. The words and the rhythm would pour out of me as I wrote about a part of myself I have always felt but never unlocked through words. When I had to perform this for a grade it was the easiest thing for me because It was finally a chance for me to express my identity in a way I was proud of. I found the words I needed and I have used these words ever since. Although I wrote this four years ago, I recently sent this in to an organzitiaon where I was applying for an internship. I sent this in because it’s the best way I could ever describe myself. I made a “wildcard” video for Musical Theatre prescreens (such a long process and I would explain it to you but I’ll cry) with this poem. This poem has been the anthem of my life and as I struggle in 2019 to find the good parts of myself again. So, I share with the world (you) my “Where I’m From” poem:

Te amo con todo mi corazón 

I love you with all of my heart

Suco, mi reina, princessa, mi amor

Dude, my queen, princess, my love

I’m from the household that mixes two languages together so much

That sometimes only I can understand it

I come from a place where kisses and hugs and encouragement wraps around me

Like my favorite blanket 

I’m from a place where my abuelitas cooking

And my grandmothers prayers

Relax me

I’m from my mother who survives on travel, adrenaline, and new experiences 

I come from a place where bears, cheese, and campfires are loved

I come from job loss and new beginnings

I come from “family first” and latino music that makes me feel so rich with culture that I wish we all lived on the same continent

I come from a place with sad hard “goodbyes” and “que dios te bendiga” 

May god bless you

I come from a family with a fourteen year age gap 

I  come from Capricorns, Leos, and Gemnis 

I’m from a strong beautiful diverse family

That I know will always have my back

I guess I was right about the star signs.

1am Thoughts

Hi,

There is so much to be said. There is so much that has happened in my life. It feels like there is so much to catch you up on,,,, whoever you may be? I don't know. But right now its 1am and i’m sitting in my bed wrapped in my new baby blue and white fur blanket (it was a gift from a dear dear friend Gabe for my graduation.) I’m just going to write what I’m feeling right now at this very moment. 

I found out some disappointing...stuff....and it’s not directed to my  life so why should I be so struck by it? I just care so deeply about the people in my circle and I truly want them to get to a place where they can experience a steady happiness. Not just moments within the day, but waking up and truly feeling optimistic about the world. At least for a little while. I just graduated highschool. All my friends are gearing up to go to college and I truly wish them the best. Go out there and shake the world, create a whirlwind wherever you go. 

****************************************************************

I’ve had my Abuelitos visiting for a while and its been so refreshing. I wake up and go to sleep with such constant love whispers. I have been spending a lot of time with my Abuelita and we have been getting into deeper and deeper conversations as the days fly by. One thing that has come up a lot is “protecting my heart.” She says to protect my heart because I am too good and I love so easily. She warns me that not everyone thinks with love and kindness. After different nights of her comforting me through my tears, she reminds me that the only person who you can fully trust is yourself. To never trust another being because they are capable of breaking my heart. But here is where I disagree with that all.

I want to keep moving through life trusting and loving everyone who I cross paths with. After many punches in the short 2019 I still belive that everything happens for a reason. I rather love so hard and feel real emotions than to hold myself back to prevent heartbreak. Also to be clear, when I say love I don't necessarily mean finding a partner, I mean in friendships and every kind of relationship you can encounter. Why not fall in love so fast and feel every single ounce of joy? I would risk the pain for the chance of butterflies. Why you may ask? I think there is something so valuable in experiencing every aspect of all emotions. I don't want to protect my “little” heart because I want to be 100% genuine when I walk through space. It could be I have this perspective because i’ve never truly had my heart “broken.” I have stayed independent, optimistic, and strong throughout highschool. I have a strong core and I will trust you, until there is a reason for me not to. 

So I love my Abuelita and I listen to her advice, I just will take away the parts that I need from it. 

****************************************************************

Okay, that was intense.

Goodnight <3

What I learned from the Ocean

After spending a week in the ocean I have found some clarity in a couple of things.

One: I never liked going on super touristy vacations. I always felt like I was doing the country an injustice by only staying at the hotels and doing the day tours through a company. But in a country like Aruba where 80 percent of the economy is tourism, I realized that you can find the honesty of the locals easier than you think (or I thought.) There are ways to make your trips more authentic. For example: stay in a condo instead of a hotel. It can be the same type of deal where the “cleaning people” come in and tidy up yourspace, and you STILL have a view of the ocean and there are lots of pools. This option helps because it forces you to go to the local grocery stores and gives you the freedom to explore tons of restaurants. Also, rent a car for the day or for the full trip. When you have that freedom to go wherever you want, most of the time you will find special little treasures. You will be thrown into the culture of DRIVING in a different country, and navigating your way through it. Don't be afraid of getting “lost” because that can create some pretty cool memories and stories after. Although here in Aruba, they say there is no such thing as getting lost, because there are certain trees that will point you to the side of the island where the resorts are. If you chose to do the day tours or boat tours, there are ways you can make those educational. On this trip I have gone out of my way to talk to the tour guides and ask them questions about their country. Something I learned is that you have to be born and raised in Aruba to be a taxi driver and to work in tourism. There are about 450 Taxi drivers on the island, and let me tell you, there are A LOT of cars. One thing I noticed is that on such a small island, traffic can develop easily. Talking to these guides and taxi drivers I can see the passion they have about their country. They carry such pride in being a tourist hub and they sincerely want us to come back. So, TALK to the locals that are helping and serving you. Learn about them as humans and the true lifestyle of the country.

Two: I did a lot of snorkeling and swimming on this trip and I can't help but be in love with the ocean. The first time I did it on this trip I jumped off of a boat into the choppy waters with a group of people. My anxiety went up as the wind grew more intense (Aruba is such a WINDYY island.) The minute I stuck my head into the water there was such calmness that took over me. Swimming around and seeing all the beautiful, and colorful fish was so inspiring. I just realized how much more there is to the ocean that we have never seen or learned about. The second time I went snorkeling I was pretty close to shore on this beautiful hidden beach. I went with my own gear this time and swimming along side my friends in their neon swimsuits was one of my favorite parts. I saw all these little rainbow fish in these huge corals. There was just so much life in the water. I understood the beauty in mother nature and how truly blessed I am to have gotten to see these pretty little secret fish.

As I finish up writing this I am outside staring at the ocean. I’m breathing in the heat and the air of Aruba. What an iconic way to spend my Spring Break. With my two dearest friends from 5th grade right beside me. Heading on a flight back to the states later this afternoon. I’m ready to jump back into reality with some new clarity. I’m excited to finish out my Senior year of highschool and enter this next chapter of my life,,,,,which is college (even though my next year “plans” are a little all over the place, so don't ask me about it or I’ll cry.) If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I encourage you to travel, whatever that word means for you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this world is so much bigger than our lives in the United States.

Chao,

Ananda

The Alternative Essay

I personally believe that it's inevitable to experience hardships in some stretch of one's life. For me, I faced my first major setback Junior year of high school, and I think that I’m still facing it head on today. As a recent transfer, I made it my mission to stay on top of school work, my social life, extracurricular activities, and work. I was determined to have a successful Junior year. Shortly after the first day of school,  I was in a car accident with my mother and two year old sister. As a result, I was diagnosed with a mild traumatic brain injury (TBI).

All brain injuries are serious and TBIs are no exception. The thing about concussions is that there is constant uncertainty. Uncertainty about how severe it is, how long it will take to heal, what symptoms come up more and why. I was on brain rest for two straight weeks, never leaving my bedroom because even the natural sunlight would trigger headaches. I was doing half days at school for months on end, while juggling the many Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, MRIs and brain trauma sessions I had to help guide my healing process along. I would be lying if I said things got easier right away, because they did not. My grades slipped and I stopped many activities. Junior year was the hardest year of my life.

After winter break I was hoping that things would get “back to normal” but they did not. TBIs cause cognitive deficits and my IMPACT assessment results showed my memory was quite affected.  My ACT suffered due my inability to maintain short term memory and headaches were triggered after condensed concentration. In fact, my therapy management plan stated that I should refrain from all standardized testing. I was frustrated because it felt like I couldn't do anything normal. For well over one year, I had planned an independent study to Europe after Junior year. As therapy progressed, I vowed to not let my concussion take over my life, therefore I still went on the trip. Europe was challenging, with symptoms constantly flaring up and little time to rest and let my brain cool down. But I had built up a lot of tolerance to the pain, dizziness and vestibular challenges and I was able to endure quite a bit. Realizing this dream trip meant a lot to me and I don’t regret it for a minute.

As soon as I returned from Europe,  I started gearing up for Senior year.  Life had a different plan for me, when on July 14, 2018 I was in another car accident and suffered a second TBI.  The process began all over again-- more doctors, assessments, brain rest, therapy and accommodations throughout my days, as well as confusion. I was confused why this happened to me again, and couldn’t help but wonder, “Why was I involved in two accidents in less than one year?” I’m pretty sure I still don’t have an answer.

What I have learned is to never take my health for granted. I have also learned how distracted drivers are everywhere and so incredibly dangerous. It’s hard to live life to the fullest when you have constant headaches or dizziness. For someone like me who wants to constantly move, being forced to slow down was challenging. I’m thankful for my family who had my back, and I’m proud of myself for never completely giving up, though I wanted to many times. A huge takeaway is how fragile and incredible the brain is. Arguably it is the heart of your whole life. I now know that I’m so much more than the accidents that happened to me. Things have improved and now I can happily say that I’m writing this essay without a single headache. I’m not completely healed, but I’m on a strong road to recovery.